


For Him, Anything

by s_a_m



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Forbidden Love, Humor, Loyalty, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Prophetic Visions, Quests, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 03:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3473105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_m/pseuds/s_a_m
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin could have burst into a tirade. Could have shouted and bellowed and fought tooth and nail until he got his way. Instead he drew a deep breath, bowed deeply and said, “Yes, Sire,” before turning to leave with his head held high. He did not look back even when Arthur called his name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Him, Anything

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this months ago for a friend of mine who was having an odd day and wanted some Merthur to change her feelings.
> 
> Unbeta'd.
> 
> Enjoy!  
> s_a_m

“ _Merlin_!”

“Ah,” the serving boy sighed and pressed his hands to his chest. “The sweetest sound in all the world.”

Beside him Gwen smiled, absently smacking him with one of the towels she was folding. “Go on, you. Your master is bellowing.”

Merlin grinned, all dimples, and ran off following the increasingly irate shouts of his name. With the ease of long practice he dashed along the long stone corridors of Camelot castle, cutting back and forth, spinning on his heels and sliding around corners, narrowly avoiding collision with the other servants rushing about on their tasks.

“ _Merlin_!”

He skidded to a halt just shy of the opening to the throne room. He straightened his neckerchief carefully before stepping through the door way.

“ _Mer_ \- there you are. Where have you been?” Arthur scowled at him. Leon ducked his head to hide a smile while Gwaine outright huffed a laugh. Percival and Elyan just shook their heads wearing wry smiles. Merlin lifted his brows, adopting an unimpressed expression.

“At my duties, Sire. On the other side of the castle. How long do you think it takes to get from one side to the other?”

“Between ten and twenty five minutes,” Arthur replied archly, “Depending on your sprinting speed and whether or not you are hacking down intruders along the way.”

“Ah. Well. There you have it.” Merlin said approaching the table in the center of the room. It was covered with parchment, sealing wax, maps and weaponry. Merlin’s eyes narrowed. “I got here as fast as I could, given my location, speed and the lack of an invading army. What’s with all the papers?”

“I have been calling you for at least a half an hour, Merlin. Don’t mind the papers. Where have you been lazing?”

“Finishing up mucking out your stables. And then cleaning up in the kitchen. So I shouldn’t mind that there are maps to an unnamed forest in the middle of a mountain range on your war table? Gwen says, ‘hello’.”

“Thank you for sending along Guinevere’s greeting. And no, you really don’t need to bother with the papers or the maps. Why were you mucking out my stables? I have stable boys for that.”

“I spilled soup serving your dinner last night. Gwen didn’t actually say ‘hello’, I just always pass along her greeting because it makes you perk up like a happy puppy, Sire. Why is there a very scary lizard-bird-ferret thing on that scroll there?”

“Stop looking at the papers, they do not concern you. Have you been faking her greetings all this time? And I do not look like a bloody puppy, Merlin. You’re going to muck out my stable for the rest of the week for that.”

“You can’t really expect me to muck out your stables and still do all the other chores assigned to me, Sire. Is that a death toll on that bit of parchment there? And it’s not always faked, Sire. I just generally assume every time I’m with her and get summoned by you she would want me to tell you ‘hello’. Why does this missive warn virgins to stay away from the lizard-bird-ferret thing?”

“It’s called a Varnock, Merlin, and it only eats virgins. I know you can get all your work done, you’ve had this punishment before and still managed it all. Exactly how often are you with Gwen?”

“Fairly often; we commiserate over how ridiculous you are. Why virgins, though? And I went without sleep, that’s how I did it all, and I’d rather not have to again.”

“Fine, twice a week for the next two months. It’s a mythical beast, who knows why it does anything. And I don’t believe that Guinevere could say a bad thing about anyone, let alone her king.”

“Gwen can be positively sassy if you give her half the chance. I assume you’re going slay the virgin eating monster? How does three times a week for one month sound, Sire?”

“It sounds like I’m your king and your punishment is not up for negotiation. The Varnock is none of your business Merlin.”

“Fine, two months. Why is this not my business?”

“Because you’re not coming.”

“Why not?”

“Because it eats virgins.”

Merlin’s mouth flapped open soundlessly. He dropped the papers he had been perusing while playing keep-away from Arthur- much to the amusement of the knights present- and stared at his king and friend. Arthur look flustered, but his jawline was firm and his eyes resolute.

“You have a quest to slay a monster and you’re not bringing me because it eats virgins.”

“Yes.”

“But- that- I’m not a virgin.” Merlin stuttered in outrage.

Gwaine laughed and reached over to clap Merlin on the shoulder. “That’s not what you said in the tavern last time you were at the bottom of your pint.”

“You said I didn’t say anything embarrassing.” Merlin hissed at Leon.

The older knight shrugged and smile benignly. “Being a virgin isn’t something to be embarrassed about Merlin.”

“So you are a virgin?” Arthur asked, only slightly smug.

Merlin grit his teeth. “That has nothing to do with anything.”

“Actually, Merlin,” Arthur’s smug visage dropped to something more serious and he leaned his weight on a fist pressed to the table, “It has everything do to with it. This creature eats virgins. I will not knowingly put you in danger.”

“Then why did you call for me?”

“I wanted to tell you myself. Anything else would have been a disservice to your loyalty to me.”

Merlin could have burst into a tirade. Could have shouted and bellowed and fought tooth and nail until he got his way. Instead he drew a deep breath, bowed deeply and said, “Yes, Sire,” before turning to leave with his head held high. He did not look back even when Arthur called his name. None of the knights followed.

 

*

 

“Oh, Merlin. I don’t know what to say.” Gwen sighed, tucking clean linens into a drawer in Arthur’s bedroom.

“What can you say,” Merlin knocked his brush on the leg of a table to dislodge some of the dirt before taking it to Arthur’s boots again. “My virginity, while not embarrassing, prevents me from attending my master on his latest quest to rid the realm of monstrous creatures.”

“Self-pity is a poor look on you Merlin.”

“What are they going to do without me?”

“Merlin, King Arthur is the finest swordsman in all the land and his knights are equally skilled, brave and fiercely loyal. They’ll be fine. What can you do that they can’t?”

Merlin sighed heavily. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

 

*

 

“Well,” Gaius said, eyebrows quirked, “While I am glad that you have been responsible about sowing your wild oats, this is something of a problem. The Varnock can only be killed with magic.”

“I know.” Merlin’s voice was muffled by his arms.

Gaius frowned at his slumped form. “You could always follow along behind them.”

“I’ve done that before. Arthur will be watching for me.”

“Then you need to figure out some other way of getting there. Arthur won’t be able to kill the beast without you.”

“Arg!” Merlin groaned “If only I-” with a gasp Merlin sat bolt up.

“What? What it is?” Gaius asked with trepidation.

“If I’m not a virgin, then Arthur has no reason to stop me from going. Brilliant!” he stood and dashed for the door.

“Merlin,” Gaius called, “I don’t think that’s really a good idea.”

But he was speaking to an empty room.

 

*

 

It was a lot harder to lose one’s virginity than Merlin had first thought it would be. After two hours off striking out at the tavern he was about ready to walk down one of the seedier alleys in an effort to find a woman of ill repute who might deflower him for a little coin. He was just draining his second pint in preparation to leave when a hand clapped down on his shoulder.

“Merlin!” Gwaine grinned at his friend widely. “Drowning your sorrows?”

Merlin snorted. “More like trying to get out of my sorrows.” He muttered and brushed off Gwaine’s hand. He nodded to the barkeep as he set his cup down and made for the door.

Many a man had looked at Gwaine and his drinking habits and foppish ways and were fooled into thinking that he was a well-meaning, if somewhat dim, fellow. Merlin knew better. He was regretting saying anything as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

“You’re not- Merlin, tell me you’re not trying to lose your virginity in time to leave with us tomorrow morning?”

“So you leave on the morrow, then?” Merlin smiled slyly.

Gwaine cursed softly, and trotted to keep up with Merlin as they left the tavern.

“Merlin. This is ridiculous. You shouldn’t let your first time be just because you want to come along on some stupid quest.”

“I didn’t peg you for a romantic.”

“I am the most romantic. But that is not the point at present. The point is that sex is something that should be good for everyone involved. It should be because of affection and attraction, even if it only lasts one night. Finding someone to fuck just because you want to fuck won’t make you feel good, Merlin. And I won’t accept that for you. You’re worth more than that. For goodness sake Merlin, isn’t there someone you like who might be kind to you?”

“Would you be kind to me?” Merlin turned his deep blue eyes to Gwaine, opened them wide and made his face vulnerable. But Gwaine wasn’t fooled.

“Do you find me attractive Merlin?”

“Yes.”

“Are you fond of me?”

“Very.”

“Do you want me to bed you?”

“Please.”

“Liar.” Gwaine smirked.

“Yeah. You caught me.” Merlin smiled a little sadly.

“Who do you want to bed you, Merlin?”

And there was the question. He knew he was going to be asked it. And he didn’t have lie that he could say without it sounding like a lie. So he told all the truth he could.

“He’ll will never lay a hand on me. It doesn’t matter. Better to fuck someone and have it mean nothing. I don’t think I could stand to have someone touch me tenderly and for it to not be him.”

“Does he know?”

“No. And it must stay that way.”

 

*

 

Gwaine and he parted ways in the castle. Standing in the hall before Gaius’ chambers Merlin set his hands on his hips, pursed his lips and wondered what he was going to do about his troublesome virginity.

“You would think,” he muttered, rubbing his hair in exasperation, “that as the serving boy to the king, getting someone to want to bed me wouldn’t be so bloody difficult.”

“I beg your pardon?”

Merlin whirled around. Arthur stood behind him, one foot still on the steps behind him, hand still catching his balance on the rail.

“Er, nothing?” Merlin tried.

“You- you- you intend to find someone to bed just to lose- to come with us to slay the Varnock?” Arthur asked incredulously.

“No?”

“Merlin, what are you thinking? Do you think this is something I would ask you to do out of duty?” Arthur looked stricken.

“No! What? Arthur I am hardly going to lie back and think of Camelot. I just-” Merlin made a frustrated sound, turning away to rub his hair before spinning back to face Arthur. “I know everyone thinks it ought to be special, but really, it’s just sex. Every does it. If I lose it tonight so I may accompany you or a week from now with some- some person I might fancy for a time it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I can be there for you.”

“Merlin. We’ve slain a dozen or more beasts. We hardly need you there for that. The knights and I can handle this perfectly alright.

“No you can’t. You lot are useless without me looking after you.”

“Yes, we can. So get off this ridiculous notion of needing to lose your virginity for anyone’s sake but your own. And what do you mean, ‘some person you might fancy for a time’? You must have someone who holds your affections that you might court and make love to, rather than finding any body to tumble.”

“I do. But it doesn’t matter.”

“Who is it? Merlin, if you need help wooing them I can certainly-”

“Stop it!”

Arthur jerked back, withdrawing the hand that had been making its way to Merlin’s shoulder.

“Stop it, please.” Merlin begged. He had never been so close to tears over a conversation so foolish. “They will never lay a hand on me. I am not- they cannot love me back. So it doesn’t matter who I bed. It will never be the one I want.” He turned his face away from Arthur, desperately hoping to hide the sheen in his eyes.

“Merlin.” Arthur did reach forward then and clasped his servant’s shoulder gently. “Merlin, do not hold so tightly to your heartbreak. You will move past this. There will be another you can love as deeply.”

“You know the heart doesn’t work like that, Arthur.” Merlin’s voice was thick.

“Yes. I do know.”

“I will never love another as I love them. There is no one who can compare. So it doesn’t matter whom I bed. It will never be what I wanted.”

“Even so,” Arthur turned Merlin roughly and pushed his through the door. “Duty is no good reason to give up a piece of yourself that is precious. Truly, Merlin, there is no shame in being a virgin. Let this one quest pass you by. I will see you when I return.” And with that, Arthur was gone, the door to Gaius’ chambers shut firmly behind him. Merlin stood staring at the wood for a long time.

“Well?” Gaius asked eventually from where he was lying in bed.

“I suppose I’ll have to work hard to stay out of sight when I follow them.”

“Then I suggest you get some rest. You’ve a long journey ahead of you.”

 

*

 

It went as most quests go. Merlin followed the knights. Was discovered by them conveniently just before the beast attacked. Ended up serving as bait to lure it into a trap. They all narrowly escaped death. Out of the line of sight of any of the knights or Arthur, he whispered a spell that ensured the beast was slain. They camped down for the night. As the other knights slept, Arthur and Merlin took first watch and before the fire talked quietly of unimportant things.

 

*

 

Back at the castle, days past in quiet peace. But Merlin slowly became aware of Arthur watching him, a mystified expression in his eyes. Merlin waited patiently for his king to find his words.

He found them one night just before they retired for the evening.

“You really would have done it, wouldn’t you?”

“What’s that, Sire?” Merlin prodded the logs in the fire place, trying to get them to flame higher.

“You would have bedded a stranger just to make sure you could come along.”

Merlin was silent for a long moment. “Thought you would have liked that,” he remarked, “Knowing how far my sense of duty goes.”

“It goes too far.”

“Not really.”

“What do you mean?”

“All the years I’ve served you and you still can’t tell how stupidly loyal I am?”

“Not stupid.”

Merlin snorted and stood to face his king. “The way you insult me? I don’t believe it.”

“Merlin.” Arthur said in exasperation “You owe me your duty and loyalty, but that doesn’t mean you owe me everything.” He sighed and rubbed hand over his face. “I don’t understand you, Merlin. The loyalty you give me is no less than any of my knights but it is so different and I don’t know what that difference is.”

Merlin looked at Arthur. Lit by firelight, hair golden, blue eyes flashing, and Merlin felt his resolve break, just a little. He strode over to where Arthur sat in his chair and dropped to his knees beside it. Leaning up he took hold of Arthur’s head with one hand and pressed his lips against his king’s.

Merlin kissed Arthur slowly and deeply. It was a tender kiss, the kind that might pass between lovers who have come to that point in their life where they know the one they are kissing is the only one they will ever kiss.

Merlin broke away and smiled at Arthurs shocked face. He cupped his face gently and spoke before Arthur could gather his wits.

“You will marry Guinevere and with her at your side you will rule Camelot wisely and justly. You will be the greatest king this land has ever known. And I will never falter in my service to you. You may count on me always to do what must be done. No matter how difficult or heartbreaking it might be.”

“Merlin, Merlin I can’t- I cannot say- you and I can never-” Arthur’s voice was harsh and broken. His hand fisted Merlin’s shirt tightly.

“I know,” Merlin whispered and kissed him again. “I know you’ve been keeping yourself from feeling anything for me. That’s alright. I don’t expect anything. I never have. You are a good man Arthur and I know you will not have a catamite alongside your wife.” He smiled wryly then and added, “Besides, I have enough pride and arrogance in me to demand that I either have all of you or none of you.”

Arthur stared at Merlin for a long time and then dipped his head to press his lips to Merlin’s. When they broke apart, he whispered, “Thank you,” and then leaned away from Merlin’s touch.

Merlin stood and smiled and asked if there was anything else Arthur required of him. Arthur declined and dismissed Merlin for the night. He left, hiding tears behind a smiling face.

 

*

 

In the hallway Merlin’s gaze caught on the flaming end of a torch. The fire flickered and danced, mesmerizing him, and Merlin spoke without knowing where the words came from.

“ _One day I will have you all to myself. But not in this time and not in this place. I was born for you. And when Albion is ready for you again, you will be born for me._ ” And behind his eyes Merlin saw the two of them sprawled against each other under the sheets of their bed, trading tender kisses and soft looks.

He grabbed hold of the vision and pressed it to the cracks in his heart. Until this time came to pass, Merlin was content to serve his Once and Future King.


End file.
